Soon after Elf came to live with me, she met in person, a friend of hers that she'd been talking to online for almost four years. They were close, had done the online dating thing once, and now that they'd finally met in person, Elf wanted to ask her out. I was naturally wary of this. She'd barely been clean for week, and was still trying to get her life sorted out, and she wanted to jump head-first into a new relationship. I didn't know the friend very well, aside from a few odd conversations with her online when she came across as extremely clingy and needy and various other things besides. I didn't know how good she'd be for Elf, and the last thing I wanted was for Elf to commit to something and have things go bad, again. Besides which, I wasn't sure I particularly liked the potential girlfriend anyway. (Yes; I know... Typical Mother-In-Law Syndrome. And the worst bit is, I'm not even Elf's mother).
To cut a long story short, Elf did indeed ask her out. And so, Orphan entered my life. She lived almost an hour and a half away from us; the half added because she has absolutely no logical perception of distance and we got horribly lost following her directions the first time we went to pick her up. The speed bumps in the road that she described were a few hundred metres up the road, rather than 'after you turn into the road, go over two speed bumps'. The rest of the directions were similar, but that's a story for another time.
In June of that year, Elf received a frantic call from Orphan. Her stepfather had found out about their relationship and he was going to do something drastic. I can't really remember what exactly happened, I was on the receiving end of a two sided conversation filled with panicked tears and absolute terror. One thing was clear. Orphan was no longer safe at the flat she called home. A flat paid for by her stepfather. A car owned by her stepfather. A job where her stepfather was her boss. In short, a life controlled entirely by her stepfather.
Normally, having everything laid out for you by your parents would be a cause for joy, or at the least, gratitude. But in Orphan's case, it was a cage, ruled by fear and hate. Her stepfather had keys to the flat, and she was his as far as he was concerned. His to use as and when he wanted. And she had no escape.
It had been that way since she was a child. Orphan's story is not unique. With a mother who didn't care, by the age of 4, Orphan had been molested by ten different men. When her mother married the man who would become her stepfather, the abuse; instead of coming to an end, continued; this time by the man who claimed to want to love and protect her as he would a daughter.
Between the ages of 4 and 8; Orphan endured neglect, abuse and the knowledge that no one really wanted her as she was shipped between different family members. And then, at 8; she was given to a foster care.
Two families rejected her, before she was moved to a place of safety. She was there until the age of 10; when she was put into a children's home. Where a boy of 16 proceeded to molest and rape her. Repeatedly. When he left, things settled down for her. Until her mother found out where she was.
Orphan found out she was no longer an only child, she had a brother and a sister. The home allowed her to start visiting her mother, and that's when her stepfather started abusing her again. At the end of 2003, at 13, she was permanently given into her mother's care. In an effort to get her stepfather to leave her alone, she started eating... and eating. He hated fat people and she was sure if she was fat enough he'd leave her alone. In two years, she gained 28kg. But it didn't work.
In August of 2006; Orphan gave into her stepfathers begging, and finally slept with him. She was sixteen. In April of 2007, Orphan found out she was pregnant. She'd conceived in February when they'd gone on holiday. She kept it quiet until she started bleeding - a miscarriage scare.
In August, when she was 6 months and 3 weeks pregnant, she was forced to go for an abortion. Her mother was present. The rest of that story has not been shared with me, as it's an emotional one; and Orphan cannot talk about it just yet. For whatever reason, the abortion failed, and Orphan gave birth on the 27th of August; to a little girl. Forced to give her to her mother so that the rest of the family wouldn't find out about her pregnancy; Orphan sank into depression; and tried to take her life. She failed.
After promises from her stepfather that he'd never touch her again; she went back to finish school. When he took her shopping for school supplies in January of 2008; he raped her on the backseat of the car. After that; if she needed anything; school supplies, clothing and the like; she would have to sleep with him. He was buying her body. She was eighteen when she started drinking to escape reality. She was allergic to alcohol, but she thought it would be better than cutting. And she started planning her escape.
When she finished school, on the day of her final exam; she moved out of the house, and in with a girl she'd used as her escape route. She had a girlfriend, a flat, and a job, but her stepfather was still contacting her; begging her to come home; offering her her own flat, a car and the chance to study further. At Christmas, she gave in and in January of 2010 she moved back home.
Fast forward six months; and Orphan was living with Elf and myself on a 'temporary' basis. We'd gone to rescue her and that same night had moved her out of the prison her stepfather called a flat. A couple of weeks later, she moved in with her friend and found a job. But it wasn't ideal. And when she joined us on a week long roadtrip in July of 2010; it was unofficially decided that she would move in with us permanently.
At twenty; Orphan had finally decided to live.
* Before anyone feels the need to ask; I have both Orphan and Elf's permission to post their stories. In fact, they want their stories told; in the hope that if someone in a similar situation should stumble across it; they will know that there is hope out there.
** The statistics on REPORTED sexual crimes in South Africa are truly horrifying. Between 2009-2010; approximately 68 332 cases were reported to the SA Police Service. However, these are only the cases that are reported. In a case like Orphan's; there are no legal ramifications for the perpetrator. They remain unreported due to fear; or circumstances beyond the victims control. In Orphan's case; her siblings; and her daughter; will be the ones to suffer should she report him. And thus far, there has been no sign that he is abusing his children. Should that change, we will take action against him. For the time being, it is enough that he no longer has control over Orphan.
*** This situation is very real, and terrifying. But there is help. If you or anyone you know is being abused, please contact someone who can help.
- Childline = 0800 055 555
- Lifeline = 011 715 2000
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